meta description: A mom confess to tales of fast food drive-thrus and plunking her kids in front of the TV—guilty child-rearing secrets she's kept (until now!) from her husband.
url: http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/love_friendship/a38

Shhh! Don't Tell Daddy...

By Meredith O'Brien

It was 12:30 p.m. If I pressed on and did that last errand without feeding my toddlers, I was just asking for trouble. But I really needed to get it done and didn't have a lot of time. The kids' naptime is around 1:30. Whatever decision I made, it had to be quick.

Desperate, I went for the drive-thru.

It's one of those things that when I was pregnant and naive, I swore I'd never do, like when my husband Scott and I vowed we'd only feed the kids healthy food, no hot dogs, chicken nuggets, cookies, or candy. We had decided that we wouldn't go to the golden arches—at least until the kids were older—and that we'd make sure their meals were always well rounded. We weren't going to be slaves to fast food.

Then I broke the vow. I ordered them each a chicken nugget Happy Meal that they happily gorged on while still sitting in their car seats. (Another plus of drive-thrus: You don't have to go through the hassle of getting the kids out of their seats, dragging them into the restaurant, having them stand there and whine while waiting for the food and then fighting to try to get them to sit in their seats while eating.) It was quick. They were happy. And I got all my errands done.

Later that day, I carefully inspected their seats to make sure no stray fries were lying around. I even opened the windows to air the car out so the incriminating food odors wouldn't linger. I smiled, thinking myself so clever, that I'd gotten away with it, until a few days later. All four of us got up early to drive to my parents' house for the day. On the way, we stopped at a doughnut shop drive-thru for coffee. As we neared the pick-up window, my son Jonah shouted, "Hey, chicken nuggets! I want my chicken nuggets." The jig was up.

I frequently shatter agreements Scott and I made. It's one thing to sit around a kitchen table and talk in platitudes about the best way to raise kids, the best things to have them eat, how we'll spend X amount of time reading to them, this amount of time coloring, and virtually no time in front of the TV. Then there's reality. Then there's the morning when you realize that you haven't showered in three days and deodorant will no longer camouflage the smell any more. You decide that you will go mad if you don't plop kids in front of the tube while you finally shower. If you don't put them in front of the TV, you rationalize, they'll wreck the house and hurt themselves. And if you don't shower, you fear you will soon turn into a shrieking, smelly barnyard animal.

That's one of the biggest agreements I've busted wide open: TV time. It's easy for Scott—who gets to leave the house and go out to fancy business luncheons where people don't spit or hurl food—to tell me that the kids shouldn't watch "a lot" of TV. He doesn't have to try to go to the bathroom or shower in nanoseconds, all the while keeping an ear out to hear if the twins knock over something heavy or bash each other unconscious. While I don't sit them in front of the TV for hours at a time, there are moments when I absolutely need to get something done and they're being impossible. But with the magic words, "Who wants to watch Blue's Clues?" I suddenly get a half-hour to finish what I'm doing.

Then there's the ketchup thing. Scott maintains this bizarre belief that if I let the kids eat food with ketchup on it, that they'll never eat anything but ketchup. He likens it to a juvenile narcotic and insists I'm enabling an inevitable addition. (He has nightmares of us having to bring ketchup with us wherever we go and having to give Abbey a bowl of it for lunch, to the shock and dismay of the onlookers.) Whenever I take the ketchup bottle out of the refrigerator at dinnertime, he demands that I put it back. "They don't need that," he says, desperately trying to keep the drug away from his children. But when he's not around and the kids aren't eating, that ketchup bottle, boy does it do the trick.

Now I'm not alone in conducting this secret life with my kids. I know plenty of other stay-at-home moms who let their kids do things that the fathers would go nuts over if they knew. There's one mother who would give her kid Oreo cookies on the sly. But the kid ratted her out one day when he told his father that he wanted "the blue cookies in there" pointing to the telltale blue bag in the cupboard. Another mom—who hasn't been found out yet—lets her kid have chocolate chips when chocolate is expressly verboten in the father's point of view. Yet another mother lets her kid run around her husband's office and bang on the computer keyboard. An explicit no-no in that house. But, as she argues, sometimes you just get sick of saying no all day.

What I need is for the kids to understand what I mean when I say, "Shhh! Don't tell Daddy," and then learn not to rat me out.

About the Author

Meredith O'Brien is a freelance journalist living in the Boston area. She has written for a variety of well-respected news organizations and websites on topics ranging from parenting and pediatric development to politics and journalism ethics. She was a co-author of the 1996 book The Buying of the President. O'Brien currently teaches media criticism at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst.

meta keywords: Mother's Day, mom's day, mother, mom, Sharon Johnson
meta description: Not too excited about chocolate or flowers for Mother's Day? Do you instead crave a day off? One mother discusses the meaning of Mother's Day and how she's come to be comfortable in her maternal role.
url: http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/motherhood/a151

Mother's Day Off Proposal

By Sharon Johnson

Looking for something nice just for Mom? Click here!

On a hectic weekday morning with 15 minutes to go before the school bus arrives, or when you absolutely must get the kids into the car and to preschool on time, there are no words more frightening than a sweet, plaintive cry, "Mommmmmy, I need a new pair of underwear!" Like most harried moms, underwear may not be too hard to find . . . but clean underwear is another story.

The Meaning of Mother's Day
Once you're a parent, it can feel as though every day is Mother's Day. Mother's day to do the laundry, Mother's day to drive the carpool, Mother's day to get to the grocery store and put some semblance of a balanced meal on the table. With all that mothers do on any given day, you could argue that we don't need yet another Mother's Day. What we need is a Mother's Day Off.

I stayed home when my children were young, but just because I stayed home did not mean that I felt at home. I was slower than most to embrace my motherhood role. In those early years of being home fulltime, an infant hanging off on my shoulder and a toddler attached to my leg, I just couldn't seem to get comfortable in my own skin. I felt torn between what I was doing and what I felt I should be doing. This is an ongoing balancing act performed by mothers everywhere, no matter what their career goals or life situation.

Working outside the home took on almost mythic proportions. I read about my friends' accomplishments in my college alumnae magazine. I so wanted to be one of those shiny, polished women who stared out at me from the glossy pages. They all seemed so successful (and so thin!).

But I wasn't ready. Every time I started to take definitive action toward getting a job that would actually take me out of the house, my heart seized and I knew that the time was still not right. In spite of my ambivalence about doing so, I stayed home. Maybe that's why Mother's Day was such a loaded event for me then. All my hopes, fears, and ambiguity about my role telescoped down into that one day. Somehow I expected this one sweet, silly, wonderful 24-hour event to settle, finally and unambiguously, the internal battle that was raging inside of me. With this sort of mindset, no amount of flowers, handmade cards, or diamonds or emeralds, for that matter, would have satisfied me.

Enlightenment came slowly, one Mother's Day at a time. A tee-shirt decorated with the children's handprints one year, breakfast in bed another, a surprise weekend getaway on yet another. Each somehow built on the past, marking the progress of years and along with it my progress as a mother.

Finally, I got it and joined the ranks of women who have come to realize just how fleeting the parenting experience is. With this knowledge came appreciation and gratitude for every (well, almost every) moment with the children.

I met a woman in the gym whose eyes welled with tears when she spoke of her son who had just left for college. "I miss his messy room," she said. "I miss his sweaty socks and his smelly sports bag."

Missing sweaty socks? I understood completely. Which is why I am grateful for this Mother's Day, as well as all Mother's Days. And why I try to embrace every aspect of parenting. Yes, that means laundry, too.

About the Author

Sharon Johnson is a freelance writer and contributor to BabyZone.com

meta keywords: spring cleaning, organization, storage, doreen nagle
meta description: As families get bigger (and older), the amount of stuff we collect can get overwhelming. Find helpful ideas on how to contain the clutter and get organized.
url: http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/home_food/cleaning_organizing/a165

Kids and Clutter
Get a Handle on Your Family's Stuff

By Doreen Nagle

"A place for everything and everything in its place," is the hopeful mantra of every parent. Feeling like you're being overrun with clutter? Here are some helpful tips for storing your stuff and organizing your home.

First Things First
Taking care of the upkeep of the house should not fall on the shoulders of any one family member. Your kids need to learn at an early age that you are all working together, as a team, to keep life in order.

"A place for everything" is a nice goal, but if your child has no idea where a toy goes or no space has been allotted for it, how can he put it away? Your first order of business is to figure out in what and where toys and personal objects will reside.
Assess the spaces in your home where toys can be stored. Are the spaces near your child's play areas? Are they easily accessible (safely) to your children? Is there room to add more toys over time without having to store or get rid of items that are still being used?
When looking around for space, use the "things of a kind" rule to store like items with, or at least near, each other. Create an area for building-type toys, another for CDs, another for snowboarding equipment, dolls, etc.
For young children, put up low shelves that surround the bedroom or a section of the family room so they can take what they want and put it back without you always having to be on guard. Make sure these shelves are safely secured to the walls, especially if your children are very little.

Have You Thought of these Storage Ideas?
Be creative when devising where and how to store toys and other kids' "stuff." What overlooked everyday objects would make great containers? Here are some ideas:

Does your child love to play dress-up? Store costumes in large, sturdy plastic garbage cans that can be dug into, turned over, or climbed on without getting damaged.
Visit an ice cream store and ask if you can take home the plastic containers when they are done with them. Store-sized ice cream containers are large, deep and round. Hung on a wall, they are perfect to stash art supplies or even socks.
Zippered sandwich bags in a variety of sizes are a great way to store the pieces of a snap-together building toy (Legos, for example) as well as a multitude of other items. They are see-through and easy to open. Pile filled bags on shelves or in drawers.
Find creative uses for other store-bought items sucj as a hamper (bats and balls), a shoe bag (activity and coloring books), a drawstring stuff bag (child-sized "cookware"), a rolling cart (books or CDs), a milk crate (videos), and even a tackle box (beads, trading cards).
Take a stroll through a discount department store and you will find an enormous selection of plastic containers sized from fitting a few toy cars to an entire life-sized stuffed panda bear. Choose those that are clear and have snap-on lids with a sturdy closure. Take your young child along to see if he can unsnap the lids without your help. There are some things you want him to be able to get to by himself, i.e., safe one-piece toys.
Buy a label maker and label shelves, drawers, baskets, and containers so there is no confusion where things go.

Some Other Great Tips for Keeping Your House Organized

Make clean-up easy by assigning a basket to each family member and/or room. Odds and ends found all over the house can be dropped into the appropriate baskets. Family members pick up their baskets and put their wayward items where they belong.
Small, single uncategorized items can go into one bucket or container. Mark it "Stuff" and go through it frequently. (I'm often amazed what winds up in ours, including a piece of pizza and my lost car keys.)
To avoid feeling like you are in the business of toy management, keep the clutter down by recycling toys that have been outgrown (and have no sentimental value) or are irreparably damaged. Enlist your kids' opinions about who should receive the toys. The same rule works for outgrown or outmoded clothing. Perhaps someone else less fortunate can use your child's in-still-good-condition garments.
Is your house overflowing with the work of your budding artiste? Try these art storage tips:
- A cheap, vinyl three-ring binder filled with plastic sheet protectors is a perfect way to archive smaller art pieces. You can date and label each book and your child can look at her work anytime.
- Have your child create his own portfolio out of brown butcher paper to store larger pieces of art. Fold the paper in half to create an envelope, seal the sides with glue or staples, and your child can decorate his portfolio.
- Have an ugly wall in your family or play room? Cover the wall with corkboard and let your kids design their own gallery of work.

Want Some Other Great Storage Tips?
Take a peek at a closet full of house cleaning and storage tips in our HomeZone message boards!

Related Content:

Too Many Toys!

The ABC's of Choosing the Right Toys

About the Author

Doreen Nagle's work includes writing on parenting, lifestyle, and health topics, and has appeared nationally as well as in radio syndication.

meta keywords: adoption, adjusting to adoption, telling a child, biological parents, Susan Solomen Yem
meta description: Adopted parents are generally thrilled with the addition of a new family member. But these adopted children and families might one day find themselves struggling with unexpected challenges. In this piece, experts and parents talk about identity and developmental issues which can arise with adoption.
url: http://www.babyzone.com/preconception/adoption/a304

After Adoption
The Rest of the Story

By Susan Solomon Yem

Heightened Sensitivity

Telling a Child

A Key Time

Take It As It Comes

Adopting Older Children

"You know, you're not my real father."

When 5-year old Andrew uttered these words during a quiet stroll on the beach last summer his adoptive father, Tony Kahn, was shocked.

"I felt like a hole opened up under my feet," recalls Kahn, a freelance television writer and producer whose credits include, Here in My Arms, the story of Andrew's adoption. Regaining his composure, Kahn assured his son, "I'm your real father in every way that matters."

Andrew listened quietly, but did not respond to this remark. For Kahn, the silence spoke volumes. "I wanted to know where this came from. I don't know if what I said was reassuring to him or not."

Tony Kahn and his wife, Harriet Reisen, adopted Andrew from his native Mexico when he was 8 days old. Following a month and a half of documentation, legalization, and immigration, the family finally brought him home to Massachusetts.

While they do not characterize themselves as different from biological families, Kahn and Reisen recognize that certain issues unique to adoptive families are sure to surface.

"We have never explicitly discussed the fact that Andrew is adopted," says Kahn. "We have made references to his birth mother and he has seen the video of his adoption. We want the subject to come up naturally, for Andrew to be the one to raise the questions."

Heightened Sensitivity
In addition to more typical parenting situations, adapting to adoption, coping with feelings of abandonment and searching for personal identity are some of the subjects adoptees and their families must deal with on a lifelong basis.

Richard A. Goodman, a licensed mental health counselor and clinical fellow at the Boston Center for Modern Psychoanalytic Studies in Brookline and the adoptive father of a 4-year old girl, contends that "adopted children know they are adopted. They sense a feeling of loss from the beginning. Even though they cannot verbalize it, they have been traumatized during their first few weeks or months of life." Fragility concerning future loss, heightened sensitivity and vulnerability are established from the beginning.

"Even though at 3 months old our daughter appeared to be happy to see us when we picked her up at the airport, after two days at home difficulties set in," Goodman recalls. "There was increased crying and I believe she felt a sense of abandonment -- the feeling that something terrible had happened."

This period of adjustments will have to be tolerated, but Jeffrey LaCure, M.S.W., founder and clinical director of the national organization, Adoption Support and Enrichment Services in Framingham, Massachusetts, says, "even in infancy the child should be told she is adopted."

LaCure, an adoptee himself, recommends, "don't say, 'my beautiful adopted baby.' It is more productive to share the experience you went through to adopt the child and the excitement you felt when she was finally yours."

Telling a Child
Some experts suggest waiting until a child is 4 or 5 to explain he is adopted, but LaCure says, "tell him as soon as possible because you may miss the opportunity. He may find out from someone else and get the idea that this is something secretive."

"Children pick up much more from feelings than from words," adds Goodman. "When to verbally discuss the adoption should be up to the child. Don't push it. The child will give clues and start to ask questions when he's ready."

The discussion should be relaxed and appropriate for the child's age level. "A child may become fearful if he is given too much information. Encourage him by reminding him, 'you're terrific. I'm glad you're mine,'" advises Goodman.

As children mature they ask more concrete questions, explains LaCure, "such as, 'what did I look like when I was born? Did my parents love me?' But what they are really wondering is if their birth parents think about them."

This may be a tricky time for parents as they discern how much information to share. "Adoptive parents may put pressure on themselves to tell it all, " says LaCure, "but if the child is a product of rape or incest or was removed from the biological home because of abuse I don't recommend telling him that at a young age. Say they had difficulty parenting. What the child really wants to know is that you love him and are not going to give him up."

A Key Time
Elementary school age is a key time for adopted children. As they start school they begin to see differences among children and try to figure out where they fit in.

Parents of cross cultural adoptees might consider the advantage of living in a multi-cultural community. "The emotional impact on a child adopted overseas is lessened in a multi-cultural setting," says Goodman, whose own daughter was born in Korea. "They realize that it is fine to look the way they do."

"The first time I looked at Andrew I saw how different he was from me; his skin color and his eyes," remembers Kahn. "And I've heard a few thoughtless remarks from people such as, 'does he speak Spanish?' Other people may feel there is something different about him, but I look at Andrew and I just see my son."

The Kahn family plans to visit Mexico frequently; "we want Andrew to feel at home in both countries. We want him to be bilingual."

Goodman applauds this attitude and says it is important to keep in touch with the birth culture in order to help the child establish a sense of personal identity.

Families participating in open adoption may wonder how to maintain the relationship over time. "Open adoption is many things to many people," says Deborah Silverstein, LCSW, of Focus Counseling in Cambridge. "It may range from letter contact once a year to extended family involvement."

Although it has been popularly practiced for over a decade, open adoption is still evolving and there is no clinical data on how the child is affected five or 10 years after birth.

"For the child to be able to manage in an open adoption the adults must be comfortable and secure in the roles they have created," says Silverstein. "Before birth the adoptive and birth parents, with professional support to help, should think about the family structure they want. Be cautious initially. Things can more easily become more open than more closed."

Often it is the adoptive parents who are interested in having contact more than the birth mothers. "The birth mother who has played an active role in creating the adoptive family for her child, assuming it has been an open, healthy process, is more likely to feel secure because she has a sense of where the child is going and a trust in the family she has chosen. On-going information continues to indicate that she has made a good choice. Rather than a sense of loss she experiences a sense of well-being," concludes Silverstein.

Take It As It Comes
Sometimes an adoption does not turn out exactly as the family expects. Pat and Robert Abisso were thrilled when they picked up their 5-month-old son, Robby, from an orphanage in Colombia, but when at 9 months he could not do what younger babies had mastered Pat became concerned.

"Robby was not meeting his milestones. I kept pushing to have things checked and finally through the early intervention program we started to get some answers," says Pat.

Following an intensive evaluation by the Harbor Area Early Intervention Center it was determined that Robby had low muscle tone and a severe speech delay. An examination by a neurologist indicated possible cerebral palsy and attention deficit disorder.

"When you apply for adoption they tell you there could be minor things wrong, developmental delays, but you want that baby so badly you just shrug it off and say, 'that's fine,'" explains Pat. "To me, I could have given birth and still not have had a perfect child. You learn to take it as it comes because he is still your child."

Some of the Abisso's friends and acquaintances have not been so understanding. "People have said, 'don't you think you should send him back and get a better one?' I tell them, when you adopt a child he is really yours. Half the time I forget he is even adopted."

Pat, a former travel agent, has adjusted her schedule to include weekly visits to an early intervention program, a speech therapist, and an occupational therapist. It is more challenging for her husband, Robert, she says. "It is harder because his son can't do everything everyone else's kid does, like playing ball together."

The Abissos have experienced some marital stress due to the strain of caring for Robby, "but we pull together and do what we have to do," says Pat.

Robby's favorite story is about when Pat and Robert brought him home. "I tell him, 'we went on a big airplane to Colombia to bring you home so you could be our baby because we love you."

Adopting Older Children
Some adoptive families do not have the privilege of knowing their children as infants. Jean and Dean Travis adopted their son, Bill, after watching him on a local news segment called, Wednesday's Child.

"Bill was 12 years old. He had already been adopted once, but it did not work out. It was scary for all of us," says Jean. "We feel like we bonded quickly after he moved in. Now we feel like he's always been here; always been ours."

"The older adoptee needs to go through a reorientation to life," explains Richard Goodman. "He must learn that people won't let him down. It is important to be as consistent as possible and to follow through on promises."

Suffering severe abuse and neglect at the hands of his biological family, in addition to being shuttled between residential care programs and foster homes, has taken a toll on Bill. Catholic Charities, the agency that placed him with the Travis family insisted that he receive psychological counseling. For their part, Jean and Dean Travis see a therapist every two to three months to discuss parenting problems they may encounter.

"The more the older adopted child recognizes his parent is there for him, the more important and loved he feels," says Goodman. "These children need a sense of permanency. Damage has been done, but some of it can be reversed by a corrective emotional experience. If the older child is loved and protected he will feel like a member of the family not just a boarder."

From birth through adulthood, adopted children will always question and wonder; will always search for who they are and where they belong. As Jeffrey LaCure says, "the difficult part for adoptees is that they never got the chance to say goodbye, to put closure on the relationship with their birth parent. It is like having a relationship with a stranger for years that is never completed. And that has a lifelong impact."

About the Author

Susan Solomon Yem is a freelance writer, children's book author, and mother of five.

meta keywords: parenting over 35 older mother
meta description: What's the difference between older moms and younger moms? What's worse than being an older mom? You'll laugh as you read the humorous answers to these questions and more!
url: http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/health_wellness/pregnancy_over_35/a320

Being an Older Mom

By Mary Weidler

Just when I thought I've heard every insult known to man or beast (you should hear what my cat calls me!), I've been hit with another, this one more cruel, more cutting, more...well, accurate...than any I've heard before.

I am an "old mom."

I must admit that I am solely responsible for this condition. (Well, okay, maybe not solely, but the brunt of the blame is mine to bear -- that's how childbirth works, right?) I mean, all along I knew I'd be an old mom. In fact, that's what I planned for and counted on. "I'm not having any children until after I'm thirty," I would tell my college roommates and, later, first-job friends. They'd look at me in disbelief and comment, "But, Mary, how will you keep up with them? By that time you'll be so, well, old!"

"I have too much to do before I'm ready for kids," I'd reply as they turned back to their "101 names for our future children" lists. "If I wait until after thirty, I'll be ready." It was as much prayer as promise.

But you know how it goes when it comes to kids. You can plan all you want, but they come when they're supposed to, and what can you do? When Courtney arrived, I was in my mid-twenties, not at all a "young mom," but still feeling a bit skeptical about the change of plans and priorities. I had to drain the measly savings I had accumulated (I was saving for a trip to London) because, after all, babies needed stuff..and they needed it NOW. The trip to Beatles country can wait, but just try telling your infant daughter that she doesn't need a stroller, bassinette, Playtex nursers and a year's supply of onesies right away.

But the bigger surprise came years later, at the birth of my youngest son, Max. This time, I was over thirty. In fact, I was so over thirty that my pregnancy was automatically classified as "high risk" due to "advanced maternal age". (That's a nice way of saying "what in the world were you thinking?") I was 35, an "old pro" at pregnancy, and a mom with (at that point) over ten years experience under my ever-expanding belt (spandex of course..I had given up belt with buckles and holes a couple of kids back).

But, despite my mothering resume and advancing age, I really wasn't much more prepared for Max than I was for Courtney.

It's easy to tell the difference between the young moms (those that are often mistaken for their child's big sister) and we of the slightly older persuasion. If you're not quite sure, check out these tell-tale signs:

A young mom chooses her baby's name sentimentally, poring over name books, discussing selections with family and friends, and learning the meaning of every one of her choices before settling on one that fits her family, style and last name. (Think Alexandria)
An old mom chooses her child name practically, by length - the shorter the name, the easier it will be to teach the child to print it. (Think Al)
A young mom demonstrates herkie jumps at the Pee Wee football league cheerleading tryouts without breaking a sweat.
An old mom sits in the sweaty storage room and counts pom poms...and still has to have her feet rubbed afterwards.
A young mom arrives to pick up her son at preschool sporting the latest Jennifer Aniston hairdo and wearing a color-coordinated capris-and-crop top outfit.
An old mom picks up her son at preschool wearing a tie die tee shirt, navy sweatpants and keds without socks. Her hair has no style, but there is some toothpaste right in front near the gray.
A young mom hides in the bathroom to be alone.
An old mom knows that's the first place they look - and they won't hesitate to walk in.
A young mom knows all the words to the latest Creed song.
An old mom knows all the words to the Apostles' Creed.
A young mom drives an SUV during the school week and her hubby's convertible on weekends.
An old mom drives a rusting station wagon that bears a bumper sticker reading, "I brake for unicorns."
A young mom leaves her kids at the sitter so she can have a dinner-and-dancing date with her spouse.
An old mom leaves her kids at the sitter so she can take a nap.
An old mom had her first child in the 80's.
A young mom was born in the 80's.
A young mom volunteers to help out at her daughter's science fair, then does so between shopping at the mall with some friends and creating a spreadsheet for her employer.
An old mom volunteers to help out at her daughter's science fair and schedules the entire day off, knowing she'll need to conserve her energy beforehand and to put her feet up afterwards.
A young mom still cooks gourmet dinners.
An old mom has mastered the art of putting hot dogs, French fries and apple sauce on one plate with none of the foods touching.
A young mom jumps up and down, cheering on her little leaguer as he runs from base to base.
An old mom is trying to keep the score book for one kid's game while running from field to field to check in on the other kids.
A young mom's idea of a fun afternoon is taking the kids for multiple rides on the SuperDooperLooper at the nearest theme park.
An old mom's idea of a fun afternoon is finding a fast food place with an indoor play area, where she can read the paper and relax while the kids roll around in a roomful of plastic balls.

Of course, there are benefits to being an older mom. We may not have the energy to run the kids from place to place, but sometimes slowing down to blow pufferballs or read "Green Eggs And Ham" for the fifty seventh times does bring its own special joy. (And we older moms are the very best for reading to our little ones - after all, our laps are bigger and more worn-in!)

And, after all, there is a fate worse than being an old mom. I was reminded of this when I tried talking to a "like soul" at my son's roller skating party. She looked to be about my age; her hair was a bit grayer and her mannerisms more relaxed. As a pair of new moms rollerbladed by, I whispered to her, "Oh, well, I guess us old moms just can't keep up."

"You think you got it bad?" my co-conspirator replied. "I have it worse."

"What could be worse than being an old mom?" I asked.

She smiled. "I'm a young grandmom."

meta keywords: Parenting, playing, meeting, meet, friends, nutshell, infant, toddler, preschooler, lonely, moms, playgroups, doreen nagle, tips, advice, fixes, checklists, hints
meta description: Being a new mom can sometimes be isolating. For fresh ideas on how to meet other moms like you, read on.
url: http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/love_friendship/a371

Finding Other Mommies to Play With

By Doreen Nagle

What Are You Looking For?

Where to Meet New Mommy Friends?

Virtual Mom Friends

Breaking the Ice

Start Your Own Playgroup

Whether you spend long stretches of time at home alone with your children or whether you're busy-busy shifting between a job and family, motherhood can sometimes feel isolating. It's always good to have other buddy-moms to trade war stories, let out loud sighs, or put on party hats and jump on the couch with! (At least that's what your kids will think you are doing.)

What Are You Looking For?
Determine what you want from new mommy connections. Do you want intellectual stimulation, to let your hair down, talk about the kids, not talk about the kids, or simply just go out for dinner and a movie monthly?

Where to Meet New Mommy Friends?

Look anyplace where children gather—moms can't be far behind!
Look into playgroups that are designed not just for the kids, but also for moms looking to make connections, sip tea, and share a few laughs.
Discover your neighborhood parks. The best time to go is midweek between late morning and lunchtime or right after lunch. On weekends, daddies often populate parks.
Sign up for mommy-and-me activities at your gym, or join story-time at the library or bookstore.
Some malls organize stroller walks for moms with small kids. If your mall isn't doing this, ask the community relations or PR person at the mall to help you start one.
Are you a member of a church, synagogue, or other spiritual center? Look for moms dropping their children off at childcare during the services.
Ask your pediatrician and OB-GYN, the hospital where you gave birth, or the agency you used to adopt, to help you connect with other moms in your area.
Communicate with other moms at the mall or grocery store, or stroll through your neighborhood on a nice day, and suggest a play date with a mom you might meet.
Put notices up on bulletin boards at your spiritual center, your childcare or a babysitting service, or at a children's clothing or toy company. You may want to consider putting your phone number or email on the flyer. You can also put a notice in a local parenting publication; look for notices already printed there, maybe another mom is looking to make a new friend, too.
New to your area? Call the Welcome Wagon to see if they know of a moms group.
Do you work in an office? Don't have time during the day for a playgroup? Gather up a bunch of moms in your office (you'll know them by the pictures of kids on their desks) and start a "Moms Do Lunch" club once a week.

Virtual Mom Friends
Need a quick fix? Want to talk to another mother who understands what it's like to be up with a colicky baby in the middle of the night? If you haven't already, check out chat rooms and message boards for mothers online. The women you'll meet online probably aren't around the corner, but you can share your thoughts with and get support from moms just like you. This can be quite a blessing when you're feeling lonely in the middle of the night, or day. Start right here at BabyZone!

Breaking the Ice

Once you're in a situation with other moms, smile, introduce yourself, and pick something to talk about that would be of interest to both of you ("Where did you find that great sand toy?" "Have you heard that pumpkins have a lot of beta carotene?")
If you didn't feel at home with the first playgroup you try, try another group, or try the same one another day. Don't give up!

Start Your Own Playgroup

Can't find an existing group? Start your own playgroup by gathering moms from all the sources listed above. Take turns meeting weekly at each other's houses or at the park during nice weather.
Decide what time you want to meet, how long to meet for, and how to handle birthdays. Will you collect dues for communal snacks or bring your own? Whether to invite new members or limit membership should be discussed in advance.
Gather all the families, including the daddies, a few times a year so your family friendships can deepen over time.
Over 40? Mother of twins? Adoptive mom? Consider starting up a specialized group.

Related Content:

The MOMS Club Secret

Opening up Tips for Shy Moms

Playgroups: Learning through Play

About the Author

Doreen Nagle's work includes writing on parenting, lifestyle, and health topics, and has appeared nationally as well as in radio syndication.

meta keywords: buy, home, house, mortgage
meta description: Thinking about buying a new home for your expanding family? Get the pros and cons of ownership, as well as some tips on calculating just how much you can afford to spend on a new home.
url: http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/budget_saving/a449

Are You Ready to Begin Planning for a New Home?

By BabyZone and ParentZone Editors

Pros of owning a home

Equity, Equity, Equity

Appreciation

Cons of owning a home

Am I financially ready to own?

Working the numbers

See yourself as a lender will

Mapping the numbers

Terms You Should Know

Do you think you're ready to buy a new home? We'll help you plan your course of action, starting with learning about becoming a homeowner. We will enable you, a would-be buyer, to set realistic expectations and a plan of action.

Effective planning lays the essential groundwork for a successful home purchase. First you need to answer these questions for yourself: Can I really buy a new home? Am I ready?

Pros of owning a home
Tax Breaks!
If you're a first-time buyer who's wondering, "Hey, what's in it for me, besides a big down payment and 30 years of monthly mortgage payments?" The answer is: tax breaks! Three major items are deductible from your income taxes:

mortgage loan interest, including any late fees

purchase points, also known as loan origination fees

property taxes

These are substantial tax deductions. Just the mortgage interest alone is a hefty, annual tax break.

A hypothetical homebuyer, who takes out a 30-year loan for $120,000 at 7.5 percent interest, pays $8,957 in mortgage interest the first year. That's a potential tax deduction of nearly $9,000.

You also might be eligible to deduct the purchase points for the year of your purchase. One point is equal to one percent of the loan amount, in this case $1,200. The only things you can't deduct are your homeowner insurance, loan processing fees, or private mortgage Insurance (PMI). If you don't itemize on your tax return now, and your home deductions exceed the 1999 standard deduction of $7,200 for married couples filing together or $4,300 for single filers, then there may be strong motivation for you to own a home from a tax standpoint.

You can also factor in non-home related deductions, such as charitable contributions, state income taxes and other deductions available to people who itemize.

So, you can see clearly that tax laws are structured to benefit homeowners.

That's the best news of owning.

Other Benefits
The other benefits aren't things to sneeze at either. For example:

You have your own castle, and being King or Queen of your castle is worth something.

Nothing beats putting your feet up and thinking, "I own this place." You can't put a price on the feelings of satisfaction and permanence that come from owning your own home.

It comes from things like the freedom of being able to remodel to suit the needs or your growing family or tastes; or gardening and barbecuing on the new deck; even from watching the kids play in the yard or chatting with a neighbor over the fence. The biggest benefits are putting down roots in the community. None of these benefits are fully available to you when you rent.

Equity, Equity, Equity
If you don't like saving . . . equity may help. Paying your mortgage is a type of savings plan, which over time will accumulate into what lenders call "equity," the financial ownership interest in your home.

You can reinvest your equity by borrowing against it and obtaining a home equity loan or second mortgage.

That puts your money to work for anything from remodeling to investments to paying for your child's college education.

Appreciation
Your home may appreciate while you live there. Homes typically appreciate, or increase in value over time, resulting in a significant return on your investment if you're willing to own and maintain your property for a number of years.

Cons of owning a home

Unfortunately, good news is not the whole picture. There are some downsides to owning a home that we would be remiss in not telling you. Move on to see if they are big enough reasons to stay put in your rented residence.

You have to face the realities of owning before you blindly rush into a major decision . . . and buying a home is about as major as you can get when it comes to investing.

The long and winding road: Home ownership involves a long-term financial commitment, not only to monthly mortgage payments but also to utilities, homeowner's insurance, and maintenance and repair costs, as well. Your monthly payments may be higher than the rent you're paying now, not to mention the upfront costs of making a 5-10% down payment plus closing costs. Homeownership is not advisable it if it means you won't have a penny left over for anything else.

Itchy feet sufferers should wait: Don't buy if you don't want to stay. Itchy feet aren't just for athletes. It applies equally to homes. If you aren't willing to commit to owning for at least five years to allow your investment to appreciate, don't buy. That means you won't be able pack up your stuff and leave with a month's notice, which you can do as long as you remain a renter.

One price of home ownership is decreased mobility.

If you expect to move in the next year or two because of a job change or some other reason, now may NOT be the time to buy.

Forget about passing the jobs to a Super! All the around-the-house jobs fall into your lap, the minute you become an owner. Someone (meaning you or someone you pay or cajole) has to mow the lawn and rake leaves; fix the faucet; call (and pay) the air conditioner repairman or roofer. All those things you took for granted as a renter are now your responsibility as a homeowner. That's why some people choose to buy into a condominium. This option minimizes the energy and time required for proper home maintenance upkeep.

Falling market gamble: Buying a home is a risk -- you can win or lose. If the real estate market takes a turn for the worse and home values fall, you run the risk of losing money on your investment. There's always some risk involved in real estate, especially if you buy during an upswing when home values are high.

Foreclosure of your property: Foreclosure is the worst homeowner nightmare. But don't worry; it really shouldn't happen if you make the right financial decision about purchase in the first place.

But, should you fail to keep up your mortgage payments, even for reasons beyond your control, the lender may foreclose on and sell your property. This results in the loss of not only your home but also your investment and your good credit rating.

Am I financially ready to own?
This has got to be a top question in your mind. After you've taken the time to methodically consider each of the fundamental pros and cons of homeownership and have come to the conclusion that YOUR particular Pros outweigh all of the potential Cons, now you're ready to take the next step toward the threshold of home ownership.

That next step is a self-assessment of your financial strength, which will show you in black and white if you're actually as ready as you hope you are. It will simultaneously help you discover the proper price range of homes you can afford. Actually, we'll work our way into the answer to both questions in reverse sequence.

Calculating a monthly mortgage payment

Can you afford to buy?
You believe that you're fully capable of making a mortgage payment each month, right?

Since you know that it's pretty much like making a rent payment, with a few additional considerations thrown in.

OK, then. Let's do a sample calculation. Get a sheet of paper, a calculator, and a pencil. This will only take a few minutes. People who think numbers are about as warm and cuddly as grizzly bears will find this exercise surprisingly pleasant. Once you see how quickly you learn to use these tools, you'll be able to tame the REAL numbers in your own market area with the greatest of ease.

Working the numbers
We are going to start off small with an easy calculation. Don't worry. You will do fine.

The three factors you need to figure what your monthly payment would be are:

The total loan amount (the selling price minus 10% for the down payment)
The interest rate you'll pay on that total loan amount, and
The repayment term, or length of time you have to repay the loan

Write three words down in a column on your work sheet, just like this:

LOAN :
RATE :
TERM :

Pick a repayment term: How long are you going to take to repay? Let's say that you expect to get a standard 30-year fixed-rate mortgage. So, write "30" behind the word TERM on your worksheet.
Pick an interest rate: Another easy figure. For our example we're going to assume that the interest rate is 8%. So, write 8% on your worksheet behind the word RATE.
To find the current interest rate on a 30-year fixed rate mortgage, look in the real estate section of your local newspaper or call a mortgage lender.
Pick a price: Try to be realistic! Since you're already interested in becoming a homeowner, you've probably been gazing wistfully at the real estate ads in newspapers or visited a couple of open houses. You have an approximate idea of selling prices of homes in your area. We'll use $90,000 as the selling price for the Example.
Figure the total loan amount:
To establish the total amount of your loan, first figure what amount is 10% of the selling price you've just selected. We'll consider that the amount you'll make as a down payment. In our case, the down payment amount would be $9,000 which means that the rounded-off total loan amount will be $80,000. Write that number on your worksheet behind the word LOAN.

Figure your ballpark payment

So, in our example, our total loan amount is $80,000, which we'll borrow over 30 years, at a fixed rate of 8% per year.

Now multiply 80,000 by 8%. You get 6400, which will be a total annual interest amount. Divide that by 12 months and your monthly payment is just $533.

NOTE: When you look this up on a standard mortgage chart you'll find that the total principal and 8% interest payment will be $587. These are solid ballpark numbers you can use reliably to estimate monthly housing payments.

To figure out how much your loan will really cost you, use our calculator which determines how much house you can really afford. In the box asking for your APR, substitute the interest rate if an APR is not available. This will give you a good idea how much your loan will really cost you in the long run.

You can also save a fortune in interest costs if you pre-pay your mortgage by making small extra monthly payments.

Wow! That's less than my rent!
Yes, low numbers can be exciting ... especially when they are lower than your current rent. But, wait a moment. We aren't done yet. You still have a few things to add. Don't run to your real estate agent based on these numbers yet.

Don't forget that you'll pay property taxes and homeowners insurance on top of that figure. Tax rates are set locally and both the insurance premium and tax payment will vary according to the cost of your home. In addition, you might need to pay private mortgage insurance (PMI) if you put less than 20% down.

Calculate the Add-ons
This means adding all those other numbers that are bound to occur. To cover these expenses, multiply the purchase price by .002% (two-tenths percent), and add that figure to your monthly principal and interest payment, just to be safe. In the above example for a $90,000 home, that equals $180 on top of $587 for a total monthly cost of $767. Remember also the additional expenses of maintenance and repair.

See yourself as a lender will
When dealing with lenders, you have to be organized. You can save yourself a lot of wasted time and energy if you learn to look at yourself as a lender would.

Lenders will look at two basic numbers in deciding how much you can afford to borrow. Keep in mind: Once you know how much you can borrow you'll also know the price range of houses to look at.

What a lender inspects
This is where the paper pile begins! Your monthly housing costs, which include mortgage payment, taxes, and insurance; and, your total debt, which includes monthly housing costs - plus any long-term debts like a student loan, car loan, credit cards or other installment debt.

Understand basic borrower guidelines
They aren't too difficult... The lending guideline is that you should spend no more than 28% of your monthly gross income (before taxes) on housing expense. That can include business income, disability or retirement benefits, alimony, child support, etc.

Also, your total monthly debt payment, including housing and other long-term debts, should be no higher than 36% of your monthly gross income.

Check your credit rating
This is essential! A good credit report is an important part of your financial profile. Before you begin the process of applying for a mortgage loan be sure that you review your most recent credit report.

Be certain all of the information included in it is accurate.

Errors or misinformation in your credit history could have a negative impact on your chances for the best loan and interest rate.

The bottom line about lenders?
Lenders know that every borrower is different, and no lender expects you to be perfect. Their job is to lend money, so if they can make a home mortgage loan work for you, they will.

When NOT to buy
There are times when you should just walk away. If you've had some past financial problems, it's not the end of the road; you just need to fix them before you try to purchase a home. Even if you've gone through bankruptcy, all you need is time to handle your debts and repair your credit history. It may take a year or two to fine-tune your financial profile, but it's well worth it.

Perhaps your credit picture is not as black as the bankruptcy scenario but not picture perfect, either.

How much can you qualify for? With stable employment and income, you should be able to qualify for a mortgage loan worth almost twice your annual income. By taking time to improve your credit rating, you could raise that figure substantially.

Mapping the numbers
Here is a home mortgage qualifying chart. Fill in the numbers to figure out how you're doing.

Single borrower's gross annual salary __________
Total monthly Income (annual salary divided by 12) __________
Monthly gross income __________
Multiply by 28% __________
Allowable monthly housing costs __________
Home purchase price __________
Down payment __________
Mortgage loan amount __________
30-year loan/8% Interest – monthly payment (PI) __________
Taxes and insurance __________
Total monthly housing costs __________
Monthly gross Income __________
Multiply by 36% __________
Allowable total monthly debt __________
Other monthly debts __________
Car payment __________
Credit cards __________
Total monthly other debts __________
Total monthly housing costs __________
Total other monthly debts __________

Total monthly costs __________

It's not the end of the road if you fall outside the guideline percentages by a few points. The guidelines are just that, guidelines. You can use this chart as a tool to calculate approximately what you can afford. Lenders will treat the guidelines flexibly. So have some faith!

Terms You Should Know
Appreciation: An increase in the value of a Property (the opposite is depreciation). Property can appreciate due to a number of reasons including changes in economic conditions.

Mortgage: A Contract in which a lender loans funds and receives secured Interest in property until the funds are repaid.

Equity: The difference between the fair market value of the Property and the amount of Debt outstanding against it.

Foreclosure: The legal process by which a borrower is deprived of their Interest in the Mortgaged Property. This usually is the last action taken by a lender to collect from a borrower in default. Foreclosure involves a forced sale of the Property at public auction with the proceeds of the sale being applied against the mortgage debt.

Homeowner's Insurance: An insurance policy that protects a dwelling and its contents from personal liability and damage. Sufficient coverage is required by lenders.

PMI: Private Mortgage Insurance, which protects the lender in case of default by the borrower. PMI is often used when buyers obtain financing with less than a 20% down payment.

Point: A charge by the lender representing 1 percent of the amount of the Mortgage.

Property tax: A charge imposed on the assessed value of real estate, to be used to support the State or municipality who in turn utilizes the funds in the best Interest of the general public.

About the Author

BabyZone.com and ParentZone.com are the premier online destinations for highly personalized and localized parenting content and tools. It seamlessly moves through every parent's journey from preconception to pregnancy and parenting.

meta keywords: pregnancy, work, career, babyzone, pregnant, job, work at home, home
meta description: BabyZone's co/founder, Jeanine Cox talks about the early days starting BabyZone and her experience as a W.A.H.M.. Could it be right for you?
url: http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/work/work_at_home_parents/a464

W.A.H.M.: The Pros and Cons of Working from Home

By Jeanine Cox

Are you looking for a ten-step commute? It seems like the best of both worlds and an answer to a dilemma that faces many women -- how to balance work with being a mom. Working at home can eliminate the need to make what is often a painful choice, but it takes real diligence, compromise, and patience to make it work for both you and your family.

I was the owner of a successful and demanding retail business when I discovered that I was expecting my first child. Just a couple of months into my pregnancy, I realized that I did not want to leave my baby with a care-giver all day, everyday, yet I couldn't afford not to work. I came up with an idea to start my own home-based Internet business. It took a bit of nudging in the beginning, but my husband supported my decision. We purchased a new computer, new software, and a snugly "hands free" baby carrier. After much hard work, BabyZone.com was born, and shortly thereafter so was our beautiful daughter, Nadia.

For me, working at home was a perfect solution, especially during Nadia's infancy. I was building a company based on the topics that most interested me --pregnancy and parenting -- and Nadia spent a good portion of the day quietly asleep in my office. The best of both worlds -- at least for a little while.

About the time my daughter began to walk, BabyZone began to grow. The company became substantially more time-consuming, and I just couldn't balance both "my babies" at the same time. I hired a mother's helper and was once again able to work and be a mom; I was still the primary caregiver to our daughter.

My family and my business have continued to grow. My husband and I now have a second child, a bouncing baby boy, and my company has moved into a larger office outside of our home.

I am proof that WAHMs can be successful. Working at home clearly has its advantages, but it's certainly not for everyone. Some women find it difficult to work away from an office environment and co-workers, while others have difficulty focusing on job responsibilities when their babies are so close by. I have put together this self-test, and some related suggestions, to help you determine whether or not being a WAHM is right for you:

Think about and then answer the following questions:

Do you thrive on interaction with co-workers?
Do you require a lot of direction at work?
Do you enjoy getting dressed up every day?

If you answered "yes" to these questions, being a WAHM may not be the right move for you. While you are closer to your kids, working from home can often be a solitary experience, and no supervisors are there to guide you.

Think about and then answer the following questions:

Are you a self-motivator?
Are you organized?
Does your husband or partner support your decision to work at home?
Are you proficient in information and communication technology?
Do you have an area of your home you can designate for an office?
Can you afford the startup costs of a new business or the possible salary deduction for a change in status from your current job?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, being a WAHM may be right for you. The next decision to contemplate is whether you want to continue working with your current employer, i.e. telecommute, or whether you want to freelance or start your own business.

Telecommuting
In the new-age wireless world, employers are beginning to see the advantages of letting trustworthy employees work from their homes. Depending on the responsibilities and constraints of your job, you might be able to negotiate a stay-at-home position from your employer who values your contribution. Of course if your job requires meetings and human interaction, telecommuting may be challenging. In such a case, one solution might be to schedule regular on-site hours for meetings and other office functions.

Still, your employer may have concerns. Analyze your own and your company's needs as well as your own and present your case to your employer with confidence. Here are some issues that might need to be discussed:

How your change in status will affect corporate culture. If you can telecommute, will others demand the same privilege?
How will you ensure you remain motivated and continue to deliver?
How will the logistics play out? Will the company have to outfit your home office? Who will cover the cost of your computer, fax and Internet service?
How will your relocation to a home-office affect communication? Will your superiors and co-workers be able to reach you in an emergency?

Freelancing or Starting your own Company
If telecommuting isn't an option, you might consider freelancing or starting your own business. Whether your specialty is secretarial services or party planning, cell phones, email and the Internet make networking easier than ever. Evaluate your skills, decide which path you want to take, and then take the time to write a detailed business plan. You can find out more about starting small businesses and putting together business plans at the Web sites listed in conjunction with this piece. Even if your endeavor doesn't become the next Intel or Starbucks, it's important to set goals and deadlines for yourself.

In your search for the right work, be wary of "opportunities" which offer huge reimbursements and require a sign-up fee. These are likely scams and often have vague job descriptions and require no previous experience. A legitimate employer will write out a detailed job description when seeking to hire. If you're suspicious of a posting, you can research the company by asking for references and checking with the Better Business Bureau. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Making it all Work
To succeed as a WAHM you need to prioritize and self-motivate while remaining focused on your goals. Of course, you need to balance this work with caring for your adorable baby. Your baby will, and should be, your first priority. Be prepared to go with the flow. What doesn't get done during the day might be accomplished after your baby goes to sleep. You might also consider removing all other chores from your responsibility list. Only in Martha Stewart's world can a human being successfully run her own business, be a mother, gardener and housekeeper, and cater a dinner party for 75. In the real world, you're a mother and a professional with responsibilities; what isn't a necessity should be removed from your task list. Remember that as your business grows, so will your work obligations, and it will become more and more difficult to manage without childcare or office help. As your budget allows, hire the help that enables you to be an effective WAHM.

Resources

WAHM: The Online Working
Mothers Magazine
www.wahm.com

INC.com: Building and running your own business
www.inc.com

Writing a Business Plan
www.businesstown.com

Home Based Working Mom
www.hbwm.com

Power-Based Home Biz Guide
http://www.powerhomebiz.com

ZD Net Small Business Advisor
http://www.zdnet.com/smallbusiness/

International Homeworker's Association
http://www.homeworkers.org

The Entrepreneurial Parent
http://www.en-parent.com

About the Author

Jeanine Cox is the Co/Founder and Publisher of BabyZone as well as the author of The Perfect Name: A Step-by-Step Guide to Naming Your Baby. The Perfect Name is sold exclusively at Barnes & Noble Booksellers.

meta keywords: temperament, personality, parenting, child development,
meta description: A person's temperament is apparent in infancy and remains consistent throughout life. Parents who ignore a child's inborn nature are doomed to struggle against it, while parents who identify and work with it find the parenting journey more pleasant.
url: http://parentzone.babyzone.com/development/moods/a498

Understanding Your Child's Temperament

By Elizabeth Pantley

This typical Saturday finds my nine-year-old son, David, in full football gear, tackling our 13-year-old neighbor Zack in the yard. We can hear David's whoops and cheers throughout the house. He'll show up in the kitchen sooner or later, dirty and hungry (make that very dirty and ravenously hungry), most likely with Zack in tow. He'll whirl through the house, leaving a trail of noise and clutter in his wake. No one with ears ever has to ask where David is.

Eleven-year-old Vanessa, on the other hand, sits at the kitchen table poring over her art kit, carefully choosing a color scheme for a drawing. She'll be at this quite a while since, as in nearly everything in her life, Vanessa doesn't rush. She ponders.

Two children. Same parents. Same home. Yet so very different in temperament. Even before birth, babies show their unique temperaments. Some are extremely active in utero — kicking, prodding, and shifting at all hours. They are active newborns, breastfeeding every hour day and night, announcing their presence in no uncertain terms — like my David. Others seem to sway in the womb, with gentle butterfly movements and slow-motion rolls. As newborns, they cry little, sleep regularly, and shower everyone with peaceful, intense smiles. You guessed it — like my Vanessa.

Numerous studies have shown that temperament is apparent in infancy and remains consistent throughout life. Parents who ignore a child's inborn nature are doomed to struggle against it, while parents who identify and work with it find the parenting journey more pleasant.

Perhaps the best parenting move you can make right now is to form a picture of your child's temperament. This will help you devise the unique approach that's best suited to your unique child. But where to start?

Following are specific areas psychologists use to evaluate a person's one-of-a-kind makeup, along with hints on parenting each type of child:

A. Activity Level: Active or Quiet

Is your child's body usually calm or in motion?
Is he on the go all day?
Does he fidget and squirm, or is he able to relax and sit still for long periods of time without protest?

Your child's not in constant motion just to annoy you; an internal clock sets his pace. Take advantage of this by giving an active child plenty of time and space, every day, to "let off steam." Look for creative ways to funnel that energy. Try sports activities, or even create obstacle courses in your backyard. Healthy energy outlets will help your active child be calmer when he needs to be.

Patience and planning are important, too. Don't expect an active child to sit through a lengthy restaurant dinner, a long church service, or any other stationary event: Such unrealistic expectations run contrary to the way your child is made and will only end in frustration. Keep a bag of quiet activities on hand just in case you do find yourselves in such a situation, and be willing to take a fidgety child for a walk.

With a quiet child, allow extra time for her to get organized. She may need more time for simple tasks, such as tying shoes or dressing. Be practical: When you're in a hurry, save yourself some stress and tie those shoes yourself. She can practice lacing later.

B. Intensity of Emotion: High or Moderate Intensity?

Does the whole world know when your child is happy or angry?
Does he have intense responses to life and display his emotions without reserve?
Or is your child more thoughtful and mild?
Do you find that you often have to guess at your child's feelings?

When a child reacts with high emotional intensity in any given situation, the parent typically responds in kind. For example, a child who is screaming in a temper tantrum or shouting in anger usually causes a parent to raise her voice to an equal volume. But this doesn't teach a child how to control his own emotions and often escalates the situation. As difficult as it may be, thoughtful action and reasonable voice are the best responses. Over time, enough parental modeling can help an intense child learn to control himself.

Try the "Stop-Space-Regroup-Redo" technique:

Stop: When you begin to feel angry, stop. Stop talking. Stop moving. Defuse your own emotions first so you can help your child.

Space: Put some distance between yourself and your child. If your child is a baby, toddler, or preschooler, put her in a safe spot (in her crib or the arms of another person). If your child is older, remove yourself from the situation with a good exit line: "I'm going to the bathroom. Be right back."

Regroup: Take some deep breaths and think over the situation. Calm yourself down and decide how you will handle things. This is far better than simply reacting in the heat of the moment.

Redo: Come back to your child with a clear idea of what you are trying to accomplish.

You may think that a child with moderate emotional intensity is the easier to raise, but this isn't always the case. These children are often very hard to read. They mope, sulk, or hide when they are having strong feelings. These children need help expressing themselves.

Approach a child like this gently and offer a guess on her feelings to open up discussion: "It seems like you're feeling sad because you couldn't go with Daddy today." This isn't a one-time tactic – you must keep talking and listening right on through the teenage years. It can be a lot of work, and you'll feel sometimes that letting her mope is easier than drawing her out. If you can help her understand and express her feelings as often as you can, however, she'll be a much happier person.

C. Adaptability: Flexible or Unyielding?

Does your child "go with the flow"?
Does she change her routine or plans easily and without complaint?
Or is your child comfortable with and dependent on routine and more likely to fight change or disruptions?

Clearly, a child's flexibility makes life easier. On the flip side, this easygoing type may tend not to finish anything, rather gleefully flitting from task to task without concern for completing whatever he leaves behind. This child rarely follows through without plenty of parental reminders, and can benefit from written routines — a simple poster for a toddler's bedtime ritual or a more complicated daily chore chart for an older child. The key: Keep your reminders pleasant, and refrain from nagging and complaining.

What about the unyielding child? She functions best when she knows what to expect. Being aware of what's upcoming for the day, week, month — even the year — can help her feel more in control and therefore more relaxed and accommodating. So, don't abruptly announce, "Time to go — get your shoes on!" (which often results in a temper tantrum regardless of the child's age). Rather, try briefing your child on the day's events each morning, and give two or three warnings in advance of each — e.g.:

- "After breakfast, we're going to Grandma's."
- "In 15 minutes, we're going to Grandma's."
- "Five minutes. Then you'll put your puzzle away, and we'll get shoes on and go to Grandma's."
- "One more minute. Then please put your puzzle away."

This may seem tedious to you, but it beats fighting a tantrum on your way out the door. Once you get into this habit, you'll find it's fairly easy to keep.

D. Distractibility: Easily Distractible or Focused?

Can your child shut out noises and action beyond her point of focus?
Or is she easily sidetracked by every bird that flies by, every phone that rings, and even by her own daydreams?

If your child is easily distractible, be sure to corral your child's full attention when speaking to her. While she'll ignore a shouted, "Time to go!" from the next room, she can't avoid a message delivered eyeball to eyeball. Once you're in her focus, keep your instructions simple, and utter them one at a time. "Get your shoes and coat on, grab your backpack, and get in the car" combines four requests — and you'll almost certainly lose her somewhere after the second. Instead, hand directions out one or two at a time, and check in along the way: "Got your shoes on yet?"

Differences in distractibility are real and explain why one child can do her homework amid family activity with television blaring and dog barking, while another requires a quiet, secluded desk to stay focused.

Being mindful of these differences — and explaining them to your child without judgment toward either end of the spectrum — allow you both to work with, and not against, her basic nature.

E. Biological Rhythms: Regular or Irregular?

Does your child have a predictable pattern of sleeping and eating?
Or does he get tired and hungry at different times each day?

Biological rhythms tend to appear very clearly in the first two years of life. Some children sleep and eat at consistent times each day, while others exhibit sporadic and complicated patterns.

A child with a regular biological rhythm thrives when meals, naptimes, and bedtimes are respected and consistent. Likewise, these children don't do well with hectic or unpredictable daily schedules. Of course, sometimes we don't have the luxury of planning our days around our children's biological preferences. If and when that's the case, do your best to accommodate your child by letting him nap in the car or packing a lunch to eat on the road, for example.

A child with an irregular rhythm can pose just as many challenges, as this child can turn up hungry or tired at unexpected and inopportune times. Again, try to keep snacks on hand, and allow a nap as soon as you can. Modifying your schedule is often easier than dealing with a tired, hungry, fussy child!

F. Mood: Optimist or pessimist?

Does your child laugh and smile easily and frequently? Is he generally joyful and pleasant?
Or is your child more pessimistic — crying, whining, or complaining more often than you'd like?

A little optimist can be a joy to be around; however, there are challenges, too. Sometimes you'll need or want your little Pollyanna to be more serious than she's willing to be, and you'll need to bring her down to earth. The challenge is in doing this carefully and lovingly, without crushing that joyful little spirit.

Far more challenging, though, is parenting the pessimist. This temperament trait can show up in very young children and have parents shaking their heads in dismay. A pessimistic child requires a loving parent to guide him through childhood with constant reminders to find the good in life. These kids tend to be emotionally intense, as well, so they broadcast their sadness and disappointment quite loudly. The mistake that parents often make — simply because they are human — is to respond with anger and frustration, which doesn't help. No parent is capable of constant cheerleading, however, so you simply have to do your best, as often as you can. Augment your efforts with uplifting books, videos, and audiotapes on subjects that cheer your child. Be wise, also, about the friends your child spends time with; two pessimists who spend too much time together will drag each other down. Encourage your child to spend time with more optimistic friends who tend to bolster his mood.

G. Situational Approachability: Approaches or Withdraws?

Is your child always eager to try something new, always happy to make a new friend, always brimming with curiosity?
Or is she cautious and slow to warm up to new people and activities?

If your child approaches new people and situations with eagerness, encourage this positive social skill by exposing him to new experiences and showing your support. The drawback to this temperament is sometimes a lack of commitment to focus on or finish any one thing. Your social butterfly may need to learn how to stick with something long enough to master it, or to spend enough quality time with one child to benefit from a "best friend" relationship.

We often label more cautious children as "shy." This isn't really accurate, however, and is no way to create a healthy self-image. Instead, you need to help others (and she herself) see her temperament as positive. When someone calls your child "shy," carefully change this to "reserved" or "thoughtful"; if someone comments that he's "quiet," point out that he has a long attention span and is very focused. Learn to appreciate the strengths of your child's reserve, and your child eventually will, too.

Other ways to encourage your child:

- ease him slowly into meeting strangers
- avoid putting him in the spotlight
- refrain from talking for him when he's framing a response

H. Sensitivity: Sensitive or Not Sensitive?

Do shirt tags, sock seams, bright lights, and loud sounds bother your child?
Or does she mainly ignore these things?

Once you see that your child has a high sensitivity level, you'll be more apt to tolerate unusual or annoying complaints. A highly sensitive child typically has a low pain tolerance, so even the smallest booboo calls for tender loving care. As annoying as fixing that sock seam or cutting off that tag can be, these are simple, quick tasks that can placate a whiny, fussing child.

At the other end of the scale, you need to keep an eye on the less sensitive child so you don't miss something. A child like this may live with a wart on his finger or a lump on his foot for a year before ever telling you about it. A great way to stay abreast of any physical changes is to incorporate a back rub into your post-bath routine so that you can spot-check for health issues.

I. Persistence: Prevailing or Despairing?

When the going gets tough, does your child get impatient and frustrated — and then give up?
Or does he keep trying no matter how long it takes or how difficult the task?

A persistent child has a trait that will serve him well as he grows up…and drive a parent crazy along the way! Since your persistent child won't take "no" for an answer, simply avoid giving a direct command whenever possible. Instead, offer a choice: "Do you want to put on your pajamas or brush your teeth first?" This child also likes to have a say in what's happening, so asking for and considering your child's input when appropriate can help things run more smoothly.

A child who lacks persistence can be easier to raise in some ways: He typically does as he's told without fuss. He can frustrate a parent, however, with his seeming inability to finish any task, or his unwillingness to try very hard when an obstacle stands in the way. This child requires gentle encouragement and a guiding hand. Saying, "You can do it" isn't enough; he needs you to actually help get things started just to reassure him that he can accomplish the task.

Temper Your Temperament?
Here's a thought: Where do you stand, temperament-wise? It's just as important for you to be aware of your own makeup. Consider the traits listed here: You may suddenly realize that many of your battles with your child are due simply to the way your traits mesh or conflict with your child's. Exploring your own nature as it relates to your child's may help you modify your parenting actions to gain the most peace between you.

So then, what if your temperament differs from your child's? That can be difficult, no question. For example, I'm clearly "active," while my own mother is "quiet." If I had a nickel for every time she said, "Slow down!" or "Sit still!" to me during my childhood, I could retire in style. She could do the same if she were similarly compensated for every time I implored her to hurry up. My mom lives with me now, and adulthood has changed neither of our temperaments. I'm still in constant motion, and she still moves slowly. What has changed? Our acceptance of each other's pace. And this acceptance has enabled us to enjoy each other for who we are, without insisting on change.

If you're an "active" parent with a "quiet" child, you're probably stressed by your child's dawdling and daydreaming. Conversely, if you're a "quiet" parent with an "active" child, you're probably frazzled by your child's constant activity. It's much better to identify this clash than to deny it, so you can handle it better. Of course, that doesn't mean you'll enjoy the difference, but being aware of it frees you to deal with it more realistically.

Parenting With Temperament in Mind
Parenting is more enjoyable if you keep the child's temperament in mind. Of course, no parent can respond in a textbook way to each and every situation, and let's face it: sometimes you just want your child — temperament or not — to do what you want him to do, without any excuse or delay.

Underlying any good advice about parenting is the admonition simply to do your best. When you succeed, enjoy it. And when you can't — let your love fill in the blanks, and everything will turn out fine in the end.

About the Author

Elizabeth Pantley is a parent educator and frequently quoted expert who presents lectures across the United States. She is the mother of four children (who sleep all night) and is also the author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution.

meta keywords: elizabeth pantley, marriage, parenting, valentine's day
meta description: Is your marriage everything you ever hoped it could be? Or has it been pushed down your list of priorities since having children? Let's face it, parenthood is a full-time job, and it dramatically changes your marriage relationship.
url: http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/love_friendship/a602

The Marriage Challenge: Rules to Love By

By Elizabeth Pantley

Make a commitment

Look for the good

Give two compliments every day

Play nice

Pick your battles

The 60-second cuddle

Spend more time talking and listening

Enjoy couple time

Marriage is the foundation upon which your entire family is structured. If your marriage is strong, your whole family will be strong; your life will be more peaceful, you'll be a better parent, and you'll, quite simply, have more fun in your life.

Make a commitment
To create or maintain a strong marriage you will have to take the first critical step: You must be willing to put time, effort, and thought into your marriage. When I made this statement during a lecture, one woman spoke up. She had a quiet voice, but she spoke with determination, "Elizabeth, I hear you, and I know what you say is right. But I have three preschoolers! I work part-time, do all my own housework, cooking, and laundry. I just don't have any more energy at the end of the day to 'work' on my marriage."

I noticed that several other women in the room were nodding their heads as she spoke and they waited for my response. "I certainly understand! I have four children and my own business, I know how busy life can be. But let me ask you one vital question: how would you like to have three preschoolers, work part-time, do your own housework, cooking, and laundry, and do it all as a single mother? Because if you take care of everything else, and neglect your marriage, that's what could happen."

Suddenly every mother who nodded a minute ago was looking at me with wide eyes. The thought that their marriage, which was at the very bottom of their priority list, could be in jeopardy, hit them very hard. I noticed that I now had the complete attention of several of the fathers who earlier seemed lost in their own thoughts.

Let's take another look at the commitment statement mentioned earlier. You must be willing to put time, effort, and thought into your marriage. The ideas that follow will help you follow through on this commitment and will put new life and meaning into your marriage. A wonderful thing may happen. You may fall in love with your spouse all over again. In addition, your children will greatly benefit from your stronger relationship. Children feel secure when they know that Mom and Dad love each other—particularly in today's world, where 50 percent of marriages end in divorce; half of your children's friends have gone, or are going through a divorce; or maybe it's your kids who have survived a divorce and are now living in a new family arrangement. Your children need daily proof that their family life is stable and predictable. When you make a commitment to your marriage, your children will feel the difference. No, they won't suffer from neglect! They'll blossom when your marriage—and their homelife—is thriving.

Look for the good
You married this person for many good reasons. Your partner has many wonderful qualities. Your first step in adding sizzle to your marriage is to look for the good and overlook the bad.

Make it a habit to ignore the little annoying things—dirty socks on the floor, a day-old coffee cup on the counter, worn-out flannel pajamas, an inelegant burp at the dinner table—and choose instead to search for those things that make you smile: the way he rolls on the floor with the baby; the fact that she made your favorite cookies, the peace in knowing someone so well that you can wear your worn-out flannels or burp at the table.

Give two compliments every day
Now that you've committed to seeing the good in your partner, it's time to say it! This is a golden key to your mate's heart. Our world is so full of negative input, and we so rarely get compliments from other people. When we do get a compliment, it not only makes us feel great about ourselves, it actually makes us feel great about the person giving the compliment! Think about it! When your honey says, "You're the best. I'm so glad I married you," it not only makes you feel loved, it makes you feel more loving.

Compliments are easy to give and they're free. Compliments are powerful; you just have to make the effort to say them. Anything works: "Dinner was great, you make my favorite sauce." "Thanks for picking up the cleaning. It was very thoughtful, you saved me a trip." "That sweater looks great on you."

Play nice
That may sound funny to you, but think about it. How many times do you see—or experience—partners treating each other in impolite, harsh ways that they'd never even treat a friend? Sometimes we take our partners for granted and unintentionally display rudeness. As the saying goes, if you have a choice between being right and being nice, just choose to be nice. Or to put this in the wise words of Bambi's friend Thumper, the bunny rabbit, "If you can't say somethin' nice don't say nothin' at all."

Pick your battles
How often have you heard this advice in relation to parenting? This is great advice for child-rearing—and it's great advice to follow in your marriage as well. In any human relationship there will be disagreement and conflict. The key here is to decide which issues are worth pursuing and which are better off ignored. By doing this, you'll find much less negative energy between you. From now on, anytime you feel annoyed, take a minute to examine the issue at hand, and ask yourself a few questions. "How important is this?" "Is this worth picking a fight over?" "What would be the benefit of choosing this battle versus letting it go?"

The 60-second cuddle
You can often identify a newly married couple just by how much they touch each other—holding hands, sitting close, touching arms, kissing—just as you can spot an "old-married" couple by how little they touch. Mothers, in particular, often have less need for physical contact with their partners because their babies and young children provide so much opportunity for touch and cuddling that day's end finds them "touched fulfilled". So here's a simple reminder: make the effort to touch your spouse more often. A pat, a hug, a kiss, a shoulder massage—the good feeling it produces for both of you far outweighs the effort.

Here's the deal: Whenever you've been apart, make it a rule that you will take just 60 seconds to cuddle, touch, and connect. This can be addictive! If you follow this advice, soon you'll find yourselves touching each other more often, and increasing the romantic aspect of your relationship.

Spend more time talking and listening
I don't mean, "Remember to pick up Jimmy's soccer uniform." Or "I have a PTA meeting tonight." Rather, get into the habit of sharing your thoughts about what you read in the paper, what you watch on TV, your hopes, your dreams, your concerns. Take a special interest in those things that your spouse is interested in and ask questions. And then listen to the answers.

Enjoy couple time
It can be very difficult for your marriage to thrive if you spend all your time being "Mommy" and "Daddy." You need to spend regular time as "Husband" and "Wife." This doesn't mean you have to take a two-week vacation in Hawaii. (Although that might be nice, too!) Just take small daily snippets of time when you can enjoy uninterrupted conversation, or even just quiet companionship, without a baby on your hip, a child tugging your shirtsleeve, or a teenager begging for the car keys. A daily morning walk around the block or a shared cup of tea after all the children are in bed might work wonders to reconnect you to each other. And yes, it's quite fine to talk about your children when you're spending your time together, because, after all, your children are one of the most important connections you have in your relationship.

When you and your spouse regularly connect in a way that nurtures your relationship, you may find a renewed love between you, as well as a refreshed vigor that will allow you to be a better, more loving parent. You owe it to yourself—and to your kids—to nurture your relationship.

So take my challenge and use these ideas for the next 30 days. And watch your marriage take on a whole new glow.

Parts of this article are excerpted with permission by New Harbinger Publications, Inc. and by McGraw-Hill/Contemporary from books by Elizabeth Pantley: Kid Cooperation and Hidden Messages www.pantley.com/elizabeth.

About the Author

meta keywords: daycare, childcare, Susan Solomen Yem
meta description: You want childcare to be a happy, healthy experience for your child. Get tips for finding the best, most appropriate daycare for your little one.
url: http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/childcare/daycare/a622

Your Child and Daycare: Finding the Perfect Match

By Susan Solomon Yem

Not every daycare setting is appropriate for every child. To find the perfect match, parents should carefully evaluate all the options.

"Each decision a family makes about childcare needs to be weighed by the family dynamic and the personality of the child," says Developmental Pediatrician Joseph Holahan, Medical Director of the Child Development Center at the Children's Hospital at St. Joseph's in Paterson, New Jersey.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 41.3 percent of children of working parents, are cared for by relatives. The alternatives include enrollment in a group childcare facility, family daycare in the home of a provider, and in-home care. Determining which of these is best for your child is the challenge. "There are a number of factors to consider," offers Holahan, "not the least of which is the child's age and temperament.

"Young children, infants and toddlers, benefit most from a consistent, nurturing provider," Holahan says. "For preschoolers, social and group experiences are more important."

Family or Group Care?
Is your daughter outgoing and gregarious or does she prefer to spend time in quiet pursuits? Does your son need to develop stronger socialization skills? The answers to these questions will help you to choose group or family daycare.

Will your child enjoy commuting? For those who do, on-site daycare or a location closer to work may be the best choice. If not, a facility near home or in-home daycare may be better.

If you are not confident that you know your child well enough to answer these questions, consult your pediatrician. Your child's doctor can add valuable input to your daycare decision.

Resources and Referrals
There are over 1,750 licensed childcare centers serving some 100,000 children in New Jersey. By law publicly and privately operated childcare centers which serve six or more children below six years of age must be licensed by the Division of Youth and Family Services. The law allows a maximum of six children in a family daycare setting, but this figure does not include the provider's own kids.

To access information on licensed daycare throughout your state, contact the Child Care Aware Resource Referral Line (1-800-424-2246). This nationwide hotline provides access to a database of all local daycare options. Detailed information, including licensing and accreditation, is available on each.

Parents should always visit daycare centers in person before enrolling a child. The American Academy of Pediatrics publishes the free brochure, "Child Care: What's Best for Your Family, Guidelines for Parents" which includes a detailed checklist for assessing each facility. Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to 'Child Care Brochure,' The American Academy of Pediatrics, Dept. C, P.O. Box 927, Elk Grove Village, Illinois 60009-0927. Take the checklist with you on each visit to help in the evaluation process.

Observations and Evaluations
Be sure to visit the daycare while children are there. Observe the interaction between caregivers and children. Count how many adults supervise how many children. "Ideally, there should be three to four infants or toddlers per caregiver and five to six preschoolers per adult," Holahan recommends.

Evaluate the cleanliness of the facility. Food preparation should be segregated from toileting and diapering areas. Is there an isolated place for children who become ill during the day? What arrangements does the daycare provider make for the care of sick children?

Review the curriculum. Are there stimulating, age-appropriate toys, games, and books? Do the children engage in organized activities? Is there a place for naps and quiet play?

Will the children have the opportunity for outdoor activities? Playgrounds should be well protected from traffic. Equipment should be in good condition, and the ground should be cushioned to avoid serious injuries.

A Cooperative Effort
The relationship between parent and caregiver will be significant. Parents should feel comfortable with the daycare provider. Likewise, providers have certain expectations of parents. Barbara Barrow, Director of The Olive Tree Child Care Center and The Olive Tree Baby Branch in Bloomfield, New Jersey, says, "We like to see cooperation between the parents and ourselves."

Barrow suggests that the provider should be told when something disturbing happens at home since it may affect a child's behavior throughout the day. Parents should call the daycare when a child will not be attending. If a child becomes sick while at daycare, parents should respond immediately. Children should be picked up on time and payment should be prompt.

A careful study of all the options will assure a quality daycare experience for both parents and children.

About the Author

Susan Solomon Yem is a freelance writer, children's book author, and mother of five.

meta description: Congratulations! You're ready to buy your first family home. But now, where should you look? How do you find that just-right community in which to raise your family? These tips can help ensure you move into the perfect neighborhood.
url: http://www.babyzone.com/mom_dad/home_food/a628

Five Tips for Finding the Perfect Family Home and Community

By Susan Solomon Yem

Do Your Homework

Evaluate the Local Schools

Check out Safety and Security

Look for Child-Friendly Neighborhoods

Be Aware of Community Conveniences

If getting married is the most exciting thing you've ever done and having a child the most emotional, then buying a house will be the most challenging. Not only will you be putting yourselves into major debt for decades, you will be influencing the character and personality of your family for years to come. Friendships, educational opportunities, available medical care, and the chance to achieve in sports and other endeavors are only some of the areas affected by where a family chooses to live.

Some prefer the rarefied air of the country where children can explore nature firsthand, catching frogs in nearby ponds and picking wildflowers in open fields. Others consider the sophistication of the city the ultimate living experience. Close proximity to museums, theater, and cultural centers is important to them.

Do Your Homework
Before you call real estate agents, do some investigating on your own. An accountant or bank loan officer can help you determine how much house you can afford. Where that house will be requires more thought and research.

Start by asking yourself these questions:

Will this be the house where your children will spend all of their formative years, or do you anticipate another move in two or three years?

Do your career plans include a change of employers in the near future?

How close do you want to live to the extended family or to work? (Shorter commuting time translates into more family time.)

Your answers to these questions should narrow down your options. While the cost of the property and its taxes will greatly influence your final decision, there are other important considerations.

Evaluate the Local Schools
Most families believe the quality of a community's school is its greatest asset or biggest fault. Even parents of newborns or yet-to-be borns must evaluate school systems. It is only five short years until that baby is ready for formal education.

Most state departments of education publish valuable information on each of its school systems including average teachers' salaries, per pupil expenditures, results from basic skills testing, drop-out rates, and number of students going on to college.

Schedule an appointment with the superintendent of schools or one of the school principals for more information. Questions to ask should include:

What is the current enrollment of the school system?

What is the projected enrollment over the next few years?

How many homeowners have children in the school system compared to those who do not? This is an important consideration when it comes to voting on local legislation involving the schools.

How many elementary schools funnel into how many middle and high schools?

Do the schools offer enrichment programs?

Does the school provide an after-school childcare program or is one available nearby?